Dogs belonging to Obama, Romney to square off in televised debate

ATLANTA — Controversy about Mitt Romney transporting his dog Seamus via a car rooftop crate 30 years ago, and about President Barack Obama eating dog as a six-year-old in Indonesia, has prompted a televised debate featuring dogs representing both candidates.

CNN will air the debate. CNN host Wolf Blitzer said the debate will settle who truly is “dog’s best friend.”

“It’s important for Americans to realize the importance of this event. To put it in historical context, you have to compare it to the televised debates between JFK and Richard Nixon,” he said. “A recent poll showed 75 percent of voters rank this debate as more important than the Vice Presidential debate.”

First dog Bo will represent the President in the debate. Romney is yet to name a running mate.

Pundits from both the left and the right have weighed in regarding the debate.

“This debate will truly expose the president as what he is,” said Fox News host Sean Hannity. “Everyone will see Obama’s true colors — an anti-American socialist who eats dogs. And probably aborted fetuses, too.”

“Barack Obama ate dog that was fed to him when he was just a child,” said Rachel Maddow, host of “The Maddow Report,” on MSNBC. “Mitt Romney was old enough to know better and rich enough to fly Seamus first class. He is also an out-of-touch Wall Street puppet who wants to wage a war on working people and Iran. Surely the dog representing him will be no different.”

Dog whisperer Cesar Milan will host the debate. He told the Bulletin questions will focus on several important topics — the economy, national defense, the deficit, proper ass-sniffing etiquette in public, eating vomit and the legality of humping a stranger’s leg.